Worth It.

I am wanting another baby and find myself in moments of desperate longing as well as thankfulness that I am not pregnant yet, especially when my daughter has a melt down.

People often talk about how challenging the transition is from 1 to 2 kids or 2 to 3 etc..

++ sleep deprivation and demands and the fighting. Oh, the fighting. I remember being at the playground with my neighbour and telling her that we were trying for another baby.

“Why do you want another baby?” Her seven year old daughter asked.

“So Elaina can have a sibling.” I replied. She gave me a look like “you have no idea….” and ran off to chase her little brother and grab his toy. Other days though, I saw her obvious affection for him.

My sister and I fought a lot until we were teenagers. Sitting with her today though, while our kids played happily for hours, made me so grateful that we worked through the bumps together.

“We live in a culture of instant gratification” has almost become a cliche. Everyone says it but not a lot is done about it. Having children and siblings are some of those long term investments that are rarely offered to us. There is something about people being in my life that no matter what, people that I can commit to for the long run, whether that be a sibling, parent, child, lover or friend.

When I was teaching sex ed we talked a lot about “hook up culture” a form of drive-thru relationship. It has been 20 years since my high school days so, in order to try to be relevant, I looked up articles about what teens were saying today. Often the first remarks would be “oh yeah, it’s cool, I like it. I don’t want long term.” But the conversation would then go on to statements such as “I really want to be with someone who cares for me” and decrying the casual texts asking for sex. When I was in highschool, I would have dated if someone had asked me. I was desperate for attention and affection. Now I am grateful that I didn’t get asked out until I was 30 by the guy that I married. Not saying you have to wait till 30 to date! But I think I would have had some painful experiences if the opportunity had been there.

As I am nearing 37 and having had a year and a half mostly to myself, it makes me think about relationships and questions of where to invest. As things are “opening up again” I have to decide how my schedule will look and who will I do play dates with. Capacity, time and heart space are finite. So it has been healing as well as hard to pull back from parties and playdates, renovate my schedule and have the space to pour in where I feel led. I am learning that it is okay to say “no” to some so that I can say “yes” to others.

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” (Proverbs 4:23 NLT).

I used to treat my heart like it was invincible. I could stretch and use it beyond capacity trying to help everyone around me and feeling like I had to be best friends with 600 people on facebook. Doesn’t work very well…. I told the teens students that we guard what is precious to us. Special jewellery in a safe, cell phone in a case etc.. our hearts are very precious and must be handled with care by ourselves and others.

Choose your relationships wisely. Invest in the ones that are worth it, even when it takes a while.

2 thoughts on “Worth It.”

  1. I can totally relate to the wanting a second child. There are days I’m so greatful we are waiting longer and others I wish we’d just go for it.

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